Staying Calm

My sweet sweet children, oh how I love them. they are so great. I just think that they are priceless. speaking of priceless, I have some very very nice shampoo and conditioner that is called CALM (real name). When I bought this shampoo and conditioner I was close to having the Prince and I thought that something I would need with 4 kids is some calm hair. I bought the shampoo and conditioner and let me tell ya, it was not cheap, but I figured if you were going to buy "calm" it would probably cost about this much ($8 per bottle, $16 if I didn't have my cosmetologist license) it smells great and it does make your hair calm.

Skip ahead 3 months...My lovely, lovely offspring are taking a bath, yea together, I am going "GREEN" and this is saving some water, whatever, I am just lazy and I figured it is hard for 3 kids to drowned if there wasn't room for them to lay down in the tub and maybe I could watch Deal or no deal with the Prince. So after some time goes by I am thinking that the kids are sure playing great, it is quiet and nobody has come out crying, heck, they haven't even come out. GREAT! my kids are finally doing something without me. NO, I start to smell my Calm shampoo, I am not feeling calm, I am feeling panicked, this shampoo cost me the equivalent of 2 gallons of milk. I go into the bathroom and low and behold my sweeties are having a bubble bath. A tub full of calming bubbles. The kids all looked calm, Bronson even has a "calm" bubble beard (looked great), Oakley has bubble gloves on and Bridger is trying to get all the bubbles on his chest like a big "calm" bubble shirt.

3 Words: I FREAKED OUT!! I know what your thinking, STAY CALM, STAY CALM, I couldn't, all I could think about was now my shampoo to conditioner ratio was off and I would have to start using a ton more conditioner so that the shampoo and conditioner would run out on or about the same day. My kids were like "What? All we wanted was a bubble bath, other moms let their kids have a bubble bath all the time and we can't even have 1 in the summer moan moan moan...") I am trying to stay calm, all that I can see is bubbles all over (I guess expensive shampoo makes great bubbles). So I get all the kids rinsed off, they all smelled really good by the way, and into their pajamas and they went to bed early that night.

I suppose when I get new shampoo I will look for the brand "no more freak outs" I am pretty sure that they sell it right next to the brands "no more tears" and "no more binge eating" If only they sold the brand "No more baby fat" I would buy that by the gallon.

Where have I been?

Where have I been you are asking yourself? Was there an industrial accident and did she loose both of her typing fingers? Did she look directly into the sun and has she gone blind you ask? Has she finally committed herself? Why is there no blogs for over 1 week!! Answer... I Got Myself A Bike!! A bike you ask, can she pedal a bike? I didn't know that they made training wheels for the "over 30" group. Is she tied with a rope to the back of someones car and being pulled? Does her husband know that she is pedaling a** all over town? I understand the confusion and all the questions. I haven't had a bike since I was 11. Me and my friends would arrange our piano lessons in order and we would pedal down from "the bench" where we lived to the high school and have piano lessons. After we finished piano we would ride to the Broadcaster (an old lehi hamburger place with yummy fry sauce) and have lunch, then ride to harts and get a drink and pedal home. Sometimes if we were feeling rich we would go "shopping" at the little Penny's store on main. Oh how I miss those days.

So, I have really done it, I joined the "ELITE" biking culture. "ELITE" biking culture you say? What's that? I may need to join such "ELITE" group. No, believe me, it is not that prestigious as I a newly inducted member have made the group seem. There are some drawbacks. A few you may have heard a few you may not. As this is all new to me I will share the drawbacks with you.

• The sore spots on the underside of your body. Do not make me explain this any further, let's just say I will be getting a gel seat cover, or a gallon of icy hot. (note to self: invent a bike with a Lazy Boy seat.) This is where the padded shorts would be handy.

• The helmet. Do you really need a helmet? YES! I was told, even after explaining that I am a child raised in the 80's in Lehi and we didn't need a helmet then, we surely don't need one now. I mean cars were made of metal then, and plastic now. Not so...Everyone wears a helmet and they do not complain that it really messes up their "Lehi hair". It does, helmets and a really big hair do not go together, that said, I think most people biking out there aren't really original Lehi people.

• Commuter bike! What the crap is a commuter bike? I said the same thing as my riding partner was leaving me in the dust. I do not have a commuter bike, she does. Basically a commuter bike is for people who want to get somewhere really fast and not want to pedal their a** off to do it. I have a "holly hobby" type bike, that is for that mean lady in The Wizard of Oz (you know, she was going to get Dorothy's little dog), girls in the 5th grade, ladies that have no where to go particularly fast and the last category, 30 somethings that are completely out of shape after having 4 kids and do not want to spend a small fortune to get somewhere really fast. My bike is named "midtown" enough said.

• The tingy bell...I will be getting one after riding on main street at 7:30 this morning and telling a kid "I am coming on your left" easy to understand right? No, he moves to the left side of the sidewalk I about ride up his shorts, keep in mind I am an overweight housewife who does not want to slow down, I haven't had this much wind beneath my wings since the movie Beaches in 1989. besides, what is he doing up at this hour, it is summer for crying out loud.

Besides these few drawbacks, riding my bike has been the most fun I have had all summer. Even if my riding partner does not want to ride to the Lehi Bakery and get a donut and call it exercise, riding is a blast. We did manage a small "Tour De Lehi" it was a great time had by all.

It is nice after being with the kids all day that this is something that I can do alone. I have thought of putting a child seat on the back or pulling a little trailer behind, but then I would only pedal faster, making it look like I am trying to get away from the trailer with the kids in it. On a bike you can get places really fast (if you pedal fast). I made it from my house to the high school in about 10 minutes. I can get to the cemetery from my house in about 15 minutes. I also think that I need to get a basket on my bike, not for little dogs, but for maybe groceries (read: donuts from Lehi bakery) and a gallon of milk or something.

Oakley and Bridger ride their bikes to church, so I asked my husband if he thought that it would be okay if I rode my bike to church on Sunday, he just looked at me and said "knock yourself out" I took that as a NO and walked with him. Maybe next week if it is not to hot I will buy me some bike shorts and wear them under my dress and ride to church, then take off shorts in the bathroom and put them in my primary bag until time to ride home. I could get home maybe 5 minutes faster and be changed before Brandon got home, also we have forgot the binky for the baby and had to send Bridger back on his bike to get it. If I rode my bike I could get forgotten items on my bike. Good Times.

The Prince goes to college

Guess who went to college, the Prince, and guess what, THEY CALLED AND ASKED (I like to think begged) him to come. BYU is doing a study on world's cutest baby and they called us first. Just kidding, it is a test on visual and audio waves or something in babies brains that may rhyme with audio and visual, (there was a lot of shiny things in the little lab and I could not concentrate on what they were saying) I did get a copy of the consent form though.
It was so funny, there were 4 college students 3 guys and a girl and of course they did not have kids or had obviously been around a lot of kids because every little sound he made at least 2 of them would say, "it's ok" or "shush shush shush" I was like...come on this isn't even crying. I really wanted to see if they did babysitting, a babysitter that concerned is totally worth $2.50 an hour. The Prince did really good, he just sat there while they put an electrode hat thing on...see picture and then he had to watch a 3 minute movie. I was a little bummed it wasn't Sex and The City, Brandon would never see that with me and I was hoping this was my chance. No such luck, it was a movie with a blue dot and sometimes the sound of a beep. (pretty boring) and then every 30 seconds or so a duck would come on the screen and quack to get the babies attention. (I think that if there was a duck every 2 minutes or so in sacrament I would stay more focused myself.)
The entire test took from start to finish 10 minutes. The Prince was really good and after he received a 4 year full ride scholarship to BYU because he had so many brain activities (my boy or what?) No, he really only got this picture and a certificate saying thanks BLAH BLAH BLAH. Brandon and I have high hopes for the prince. BYU is not a requirement, but it would make us proud and poor.

Father knows best

I would like to dedicate this blog to my dad. I couldn't find a card that said exactly what I wanted to say so I wrote this myself:

To my Dad on Fathers Day...

You always tell great jokes.

You like eggs with runny yolks.

Dad, I always need your advice.

Especially when you told me how to get rid of mice.

Dad, you got me hooked on coke

And my dentist knows that's no joke

You taught me how to shovel cow pooh

Dad I really love you!

Love Your favorite daughter Doreen.

I was thinking about all of the great advice he has given me and all of the great things he has taught me and I want to share it with you today. This is in no order of importance, just advice and great things dad has taught me.

"CLUTCH CLUTCH CLUTCH" (while teaching me to drive a stick shift)

You always have 2 choices "YOU CAN EITHER SHI* OR GO BLIND" (I have not gone blind yet.)

A BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH 10 IN THE BUSH

YOU DON'T WORK, YOU DON'T EAT.

YOU START WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL (3 MILES) AND I WILL COME PICK YOU UP...(40 YARDS FROM THE DRIVEWAY.)

Dad, you taught me how to stack firewood (I challenge anyone to a stack off, this fall my house)

You taught me how load the truck and trailer with firewood, drink pop till my guts hurt and then how to shoot the pop cans with your gun all in one day! And, call it a vacation (Priceless)

You told me: "school dances weren't all that great, come home and pick peaches"

It is easier Not to pick the tops off of weeds while weeding

A Bushel of apples is @45lbs.

If you are selling apples in a blizzard in Kamas to a house that has a "no soliciting" sign, knock anyway, everyone LOVES apples. (they don't FYI)

If you drive the tractor into the barn, Watch what you are doing next time.

To always keep a list of everything you need to get done. (check out the picture...list is in pocket)

That Leno is funnier than Letterman.

Coasting while driving may not save gas, but it will give everyone a fun game to play...How far can we coast?

3 words..."Island or Peninsula" (deercreek resevoir) Dad, it's a peninsula as of Sunday 6/15/08 save you the trip.

The song "we are Marching to Pretoria" my kids think I am totally crazy when I suggest singing that in the car.

Dad, you taught me to whistle, and boy can I whistle, again, if you are in the mood for a whitsling match, I am in the phone book, don't hesitate.

Always Make hay while the sun is shining, But pick apples till dark.

last but not least you taught me that family is important and that getting together on Sunday night is the best part of my week. Thank You dad, I Love you. Love your little Beans, Doreen.

Doreen Doreen Doreen

It's official I have a stalker. You will not believe me, but it is Tori Spelling. How do I know? Well guess who just named her baby after me? Yea, I was a little shocked myself to learn that Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott named their sweet baby girl Stella Doreen. I thought it was a nice gesture seeming how I touched her spirit in someway through my blog. Brandon is not so sure and wants me to stop calling them to wish them good luck with little Doreen. (unsuccessful by the way, but an LA County police officer has returned my calls telling me to quite calling them, I found it weird that Tori has a police officer returning her calls.) I am sure that Tori is trying to bring the name Doreen back just like Justin Timberlake has brought sexy back, where was sexy anyway? I may just live in a small town but I really didn't think that sexy had gone anywhere. Regardless Justin brought it back and made a great song doing it.

All in all if you are expecting a baby or know someone that is, you should encourage them to give the name Doreen a try. It has worked great for me. Sure I can not find pencils or a cute glitter sticker set with my name on it but the name Doreen is timeless. Timeless in the sense that I have never (until Tori Spellings baby) met a Doreen younger than me. There is a Doreen at the discount bread store, and a lady that comes to my sno shack that has a Great Aunt named Doreen, but no young Doreen's. WE ARE A DYING BREED. So to Tori I say thanks, thanks for bringing Doreen back and we will try to stay sexy for you to Justin Timberlake.

Reunion Schmeunion

Saturday was Brandon's Dads side extended family reunion and we are not really that close to them so...WE HAVE NEVER BEEN! So I suppose this year we were feeling bored and the fact that Bridger read that they were having a PIE EATING CONTEST . Yes, he is my son, I have had many a pie eating contests and all alone, only mine are in the comfort of my own home and at night after my kids are asleep and it is not just pie (oreos, cake, anything not nailed down). So we were "doomed" to attend for the sake of this pie eating contest. Was it was worth walking around in a field with horse poop and playing games for 40 minutes YES!! because HE WON!! Our Bridger made us (me) proud. All I could think was... look out 100lb oriental hot dog eating champ, my 7 year old 80lb pie eater is coming your way so brace yourself. I came home and looked up competitive eating for the juniors division and there was none. But I figured I could totally save on my food bill if he had 2 or 3 competitions a week like this.

* I would find like a milk jug chugging contest, as long as he could drink straight from the carton he could totally take it, Lord knows he's been practicing for 3 years. *Maybe a 6lb tub of licorice contest, as long as he had to eat it sneaky (so moms wouldn't notice 3 lbs missing) that one to...IN THE BAG!! * The Cold cereal contest...Eat the whole box while reading the back and sides of the box DONE AND DONE!

The people at the reunion were HIDEOUS. Brandon mentioned that maybe the ugly stick had fallen onto the entire group a few reunions back and it was still being passed around. I can say this because I was to mesmerized by the people to take any pictures. I wondered if maybe the carnival was in town. People, take my word for it...UGLY, the homemade dresses were plentiful and ringlets were everywhere. I thought maybe Laura Ingles Wilder was a long lost descendant and we missed the memo to come and pay homage to the Ingles family. I felt a little "horish" because of the hairspray and lipstick I was wearing. Brandon felt over dressed in his store bought denim pants. I love reunions like this because my kids look like they just came from the jc penny catalog (hair done, shoes on their feet, not missing ALL of their teeth).

I know that you want to know what was to eat and who doesn't. HOT DOG ROAST!! They dug a whole in their backyard and filled it with wood and started a fire to roast weenies. They also had salads. It was sad but true, we had a prior engagement and had to leave (taco amigo).

One good thing that came from the reunion was a picture with Brandon's Grandma and Grandpa. They had not seen the baby and we figured, get credit for attending the reunion and show the Prince to the relates. Great, let's take a picture...Brandon and the Bronson were sitting by his grandpa and I said "Grandpa look over at me and I will take your picture" he said " I don't want to be at this reunion, and I really don't want my picture taken" (who does I thought) He then turned his head AWAY from the camera so we have a picture of Brandon and the Bronson and the side of Grandpas head. Scrapbook worthy!

All in all this reunion made us thankful that

1- we are Dang good looking folks

2- we had some good material to laugh about all weekend.

3- we got credit for going and won't have to go for another 12 years.
Keeping your sides in stiches...Doreen

My first born BLOG

Announcing the arrival of Doreens Blog. After much poking and proding and my sister Julie coming to my house and helping (re-doing the entire thing for me) I have a blog. I seriously didn't think these things would catch on. Just like dvds or the internet or cell phones, I thought it was a fad and would go away, not so much. Hey, vanilla coke didn't last, who's to say anything will.

About me...I am a mom to 4 kids Bridger is 7 Oakley is 5 Bronson is 3 and the "Prince" Brody is 3 months, we don't like him the most he just hasn't ruined any of our stuff yet and his school teacher hasn't wanted to "talk" to us, his dance clothes didn't cost more than my wedding dress and he doesn't want to go on the $8,000.00 Nickelodeon cruise this summer. I have been married to Brandon almost 12 years and it just keeps getting better.

I know that you are thinking that this blog is not yet funny, and that is okay, I am saving my funny blogs for later.

TAGGED: (this is from my sister Julie, not the blog stalker but the blog starter. Thanks Jules)Random things about me that you really want to know or not who cares...

1-I am off coca cola, like a death in the family I had the Prince and lost the taste of it. I do think about it 4 or 11 times a hour but the taste is totally off for me and it is really like loosing a loved one. I miss you Cherry Coke, but I know I am better off without you. p.s. I am still fat I haven't lost weight, just a myth that pop makes you fat.

2-I want to be a stand up comedian when I grow up. I was watching Last Comic Standing last week and I asked Bridger if he thought that I could do that and he looked at me totally serious and said "your not that funny" I looked back at him and said "It's time for bed"

3-I don't worry about things, if it is meant to happen it will, if it happens fix it, if it doesn't happen don't worry about it.

4-I love to cook with butter I have a favorite cookie recipe, it takes 4 cubes of butter. I sleep with that recipe under m pillow it is that good.

5-I listen to talk radio in the car and I talk back to the person calling in. yea, I think that I am all knowing.

6-I am just like my dad. He hates to clean, I hate to clean, He likes to tease, I like to tease, He tells jokes, I tell jokes (in my head they are totally funny). I look like him, He looks like my dad enough said.

7-I LOVE Dryers peanut butter and chocolate ice cream THANKS JANA!! I have never locked my deep freeze until I brought that ice cream home. Heaven forbid someone breaks in and steals that. Take the dvd player people we all know that is just a fad leave my Dryers alone.

8-I love my car. really, it is almost 10 years old, and I love it. Are you listening Ford?

9-MY BED IS TOTALLY THE BEST!! it is a my comfort. If my house started on fire I would risk my life trying to get that thing out. The dryers would be fine as long as the Lehi Fire Dept. didn't find some spoons and the deep freeze key have mercy.

10-My favorite pair of pants right now is a pair of grey velour MATERNITY stretch pants like JLO'S only a little bigger. I have been glad it is cool weather lately so that I can wear these "one more time"